April 2013
124 posts
“At the risk of sounding like those people who go on about how the Nazis had nice...”
– Where should we place burglars on the bravery-cowardice spectrum? by David Mitchell (via criminalwisdom)
THE 30 BEST MUGSHOTS OF 2012 →
THE TIME HAS COME TO ARM OUR 6-YEAR-OLDS WITH... →
criminalwisdom:
Let us act now. Let us put weapons in the hands of our 6-year-olds. They cannot remain defenseless targets for madmen with guns. Give our 6-year-olds the means to protect themselves: kid-friendly guns and professional training so they can fight back. No more shilly-shallying from Congress. Act now.
“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.”
– Christopher Morley (via criminalwisdom)
How to tell the difference between different...
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
DEATHCORE: The protagonist arrives in a tank top and brand new plugs, screams "FUCK YOU SLUT" at the princess and precedes to hardcore dance until the dragon burns him to death.
STONER METAL: The protagonist, dragon, and princess all smoke pot and dissolve blotter tabs while proclaiming themselves as being higher than the sun.
TECHNICAL DEATH METAL: The protagonist, dragon, and princess all die of old age waiting for the new Necrophagist album to come out.
